Project Management Jokes

These are few of our favorite jokes mapped to the Project Management knowledge areas.
Technically we can't call them Project Management jokes. However these can be related to the Project Management which adds to the different dimension of fun.

Integration Management
*** A lion, a hyena and a fox hunted rabbits together. The lion asked the hyena to divide the kill.The hyena divided into three equal parts and told the lion to take one portion. The lion killed the hyena in one blow.The lion asked the fox to divide the rabbits. The fox put one rabbit on one side and all the rest on another side and told the lion to the bigger portion. The pleased lion told the fox "Good. From whom you lean to divide like that?".The fox showed the dead hyena.

Scope Management
Husband and wife had an argument over baby care. Wife insisted that husband should take half of the responsibility. Husband said "okay .I will take care of the upper half and you take care of the lower half."

Message :
No doubt he is her better half.

Time Management
*** Boss to a new joiner who came late at 10 a.m. - "You should have been here at 9'o clock!."
New joiner - (eagerly) "What happened? "

Cost Management
To celebrate their 25th wedding day, a couple went to a restaurant. Immediately after getting seated, husband asked wife, "Would you like to take one more Pizza?".Wife asked "We haven't started anything. Why do you say  'one more' Pizza? ".Husband replied "Immediately after our marriage, I took you to a restaurant. You had a Pizza then"
Message :For timing you count.For counting you may not see time

Quality Management
Process Oriented:
*** A friend comes to Mr.X's home.There was no power at that time there.The friend was pressing the calling bell.Mr.X saw his friend thru' the window and told "There's no power. You better knock the door"

HR Management
*** Interviewer asked the job applicant" How come your age is 35 and experience is 40 yrs.?". The response came "Overtime Sir !"

Roles & Responsibilities:
*** They sent a man and a chimpanzee in a rocket. Both of them were given an cover with instructions. On reaching the space station, the chimp opened its cover and started controlling complex knobs, set many parameters, ,wrote a big assembly language program and smiled at the man sitting relaxed. The man got angry and opened his cover and checked his instructions. It read," Feed the chimp regularly! "

*** It was a small project team. The team wanted to go for picnic and were asking the Project Manager for a long time. One day the PM took the team out for picnic in a van. After driving for sometime they reached a burial ground. The team was upset and asked "Is it a picnic spot?. The PM said " Do you think it's an ordinary place. You know people are dying to reach here"

Communication Management
*** A priest was giving a speech. John walked away in the middle of the speech. Once the speech was over John's wife met the priest. She told him ," I am sorry that my husband walked away in the middle of your speech. Hope you were not insulted by that".The priest said not a problem. John's wife added " He has the problem of sleep walking since he was a child"

*** Sales rep to a book buyer: "Sir , this book is a thriller. Only in the last page you will know the gardener is the killer"

*** A call comes to a police station." Sir, a thief has entered a house at no.12, Thompson avenue."
"Okay..Who is calling". "I am that thief.These guys are beating me without any gap"

Message:
Communicating right message at right time to right people always helps.

Varying Perceptions:
*** John: " I don't believe in astrology"
Jacob: "You may be like that as per your zodiac! "
*** Mother rat and child rat were chased by a cat.They escaped and entered their hole.As the cat approached the hole, the mother rat said "Bow wow". The cat ran away.The mother rat told the child rat ,
"See the use of second language!".

*** 3 guys were captured by enemies. Their enemies decided to hang them to death in a bridge over a flooding river. The first 2 guys fell in the river because the rope was tied loosely.They swam and escaped. When they tied the rope around the neck of the third guy he said "Pl. tie the rope tightly. I don't know swimming! "
Message:
It is sometimes better to be quiet than to speak the last words.

Risk Management
*** A prisoner caught an ant and started training it to speak.It picked up fast.Soon he trained it on many languages, arts like gymnastics, calligraphy, origami etc.He wanted to earn millions by showcasing the ant's talents.He was released soon.He went to a restaurant as he was hungry.He ordered for a juice and it was delivered.He couldn't control his excitement about his 'talented' ant.He placed the ant on the brim of the glass and told it to do gymnastics. He then called the waiter who was away.The waiter came near him.He told smiling, "Waiter see this ant!". The waiter immediately flicked the ant with his finger,crushed with the menu card and cleaned the table saying "Sorry Sir!".
Procurement Management

*** At a dress shop. Vendor - "One jeans is $10. Take two jeans and you pay $15. "
Buyer - "Take $5 and give me that second jeans"

Stakeholder Management
Customer: "Waiter, ! See here , there is a dead ant in the coffee"
Waiter looks the cup closely.
Waiter:: "Thank god Sir. The ant is alive"